


What Comfort Can We Find?

by KSForever



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series, TOS AU
Genre: Grief, M/M, Past & Future Pon Farr discussed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 19:50:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10556742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KSForever/pseuds/KSForever
Summary: An AU. Spirk undying love, and grief. Major character death. Hinted at iminent Spones. Hurt/Comfort. Angsty Spock. Tender Bones.





	

What Comfort Can We Find?

 

“Spock, why did you just let them beat you. Why?” McCoy asked.

“I couldn’t stop them the way that I usually would, and to hit them back, could have caused an interplanetary incident, be they alive, or dead, at the end of it.” Spock noted.

“Are you sure that’s ‘all’ it was about?” McCoy had to ask.

Spock looked at McCoy briefly, and then, continued to stare ahead of himself.

“Did it bring back old memories, or is it just that, because your beating wasn’t going to hurt anyone else, you saw it as your chance to leave this life?”

“I beat him to within an inch of his life. When reality snapped back, I thought I had killed him.” Spock noted.

“You said it; when reality snapped back – after those initial moments, you didn’t even recognise that Jim was Jim.” Bones noted. “You know you didn’t. I know you didn’t, and he knew you didn’t.”

“Does that make it better, or worse?” Spock asked, looking to McCoy again. “I loved him, but my love wasn’t strong enough to fight my addled brain. I nearly killed him. I thought I had.”

“You didn’t, and it really wasn’t your fault.” McCoy promised. “It’s natural, for anyone experiencing this stage of grief, to have the good and the bad times come flooding back into their thoughts like this.”

Spock looked up at Leonard McCoy. “Even for a Vulcan?”

Bones nodded, and carefully knelt down on the deck, before Spock who was seated in his desk-chair in his quarters.

“I could not risk that my tumultuous Ancient Vulcan blood, would spill theirs." Spock confided in Bones, speaking of those who had beat him up, and then, of course, of the related subject. Jim was intrinsic in everything. “I don’t want to forget Jim again. I don’t want to forget him. I hate myself for needing comfort, and, knowing that, one day, because of whom I am, I will need more than that. I don’t want to forget about Jim.”

McCoy reached across the gap between him and Spock; gently cupping his neck as he did so, and pulling Spock toward his chest, embracing and hugging his dear friend. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that he was made to leave us; that he left you here, and me. I’m so sorry.” Bones murmured to Spock. “Please, Spock, say that you’ll stay here with me, in this life. I have to stay for Joanna and her family, even though I was useless, and absent, from Joanna’s life, as she grew up. I have to stay, but I don’t want to do it alone either. I know that it’s yours and Jim’s, the big love affair, and I know that it entwined the two of you, even more than you and I were twined when you hoped I could carry your Katra, and I managed to – but I do love you both, you and Jim. I always have.”

“Is it more, or less, of a betrayal of Jim, if you and I stay, for each other?” Spock queried. “Would he wonder if you and I, if we…” Spock couldn’t say the words.

“I don’t know, Spock. I don’t think so, but, like you, I don’t know which side of my heart is telling me that. All I can hope is, is he trying to tell us, by pointing out that neither of us want to go to strangers to shed our tears, and find what comfort we can, right now? It’s alright, Spock; I know that you can’t imagine any other comfort than Jim suddenly coming back to this life, being enough of a comfort. I can’t either.” Leonard H. McCoy got up off the deck, and sat on the end of Spock’s desk.

Spock turned his seat to the side, toward Leonard, to face him. “We’re not misleading each other, are we? And, we weren’t ever misleading Jim?”

“No.” McCoy genuinely confirmed for, and promised, Spock.

The End..?  
6.4.17


End file.
